Too much ME to make a WE

Are you the partner that you would want to have?

I once had a client that only wanted to know which of his two suitors wanted him more, which one was more devoted, and which one wouldn’t leave him. When I asked him which one he wanted to be with, he would bring it back to, “Well which one loves me more?” So is this love or is this fear and ego?

In a relationship, we tend to just think of ourselves. When we imagine our ideal or current relationship, we think about how we feel and how our partner makes us feel. We want to be happy with our partner. We want to know our partner wants and loves us. Me me me me. But…how many times have you thought about how you want your partner to feel? Continue reading “Too much ME to make a WE”

Dating Journal Question #3

Get up to speed and check out Question #1 and #2.

We learn love through example. Our example is usually our parents or whoever raised us. We tend to adopt our beliefs about love based on our parents’ relationship. If your parents’ had a hard time being kind to each other, you probably sometimes interpret jealousy or criticism as love (which they are not by the way). If a parent was very controlling, you may interpret control as love (which is also not love). These are important things to recognize because if you want a healthy relationship, you need to bring these things to the light to be processed and healed.

So the following questions are to take a look at your interpretation of love through what you’ve learned about it. Grab your Purge journal and give it a go.


  • How did your parents/care givers show love to their spouse/partner/significant other?
    • Did they use kind words? Gifts? Touch? Do nice things for them? Spend time with them?
      • Give at least one example.
  • How did you parents/care givers show love and affection to you?
    • Did they use kind words? Gifts? Touch? Do nice things for you? Spend time with you?
      • Give at least one example.
  • How do you show love to your romantic partners?
    • Do you see any similarities in how you give or receive love and affection?
      • Give at least one example

Dating Journal Question #2

Check out the Journal Question #1

These journaling prompts will help clarify what you want so you can manifest the right relationship for you and also help you to notice and set boundaries when you are in something you don’t want but are allowing.

Be honest with yourself during these questions. Your Purge Journal is a safe place for you to process.

Continue reading “Dating Journal Question #2”

Dating journal questions #1

Spring is in the air and so is love, so we’re focusing on relationships for this segment.

As mentioned in the What Do You Want? post, if you don’t know what you want, then it doesn’t matter what you get. So, it would make sense that to get what you want, you need to know what you want. I will be posting some journaling prompts to help clarify what you want so you can manifest the right relationship for you and also help you to notice and set boundaries when you are in something you don’t want but are allowing. Continue reading “Dating journal questions #1”


The origins of fear explain.


What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! (Anyone else into old Soul music? No? Well…carry on.)

What is fear good for? I bet you want to say “absolutely nothing,” and you would be wrong. Fear may not seemingly serve your highest good but fear can be used as a signal that something is off or unhealed. Similar to the way pain in the body signals that there may be injury or illness, fear can be a similar indicator for emotional health.

If we’re experiencing fear we’re usually living in the future. Eckhart Tolle explains that anxiety, worry, and stress, which are forms of fear, occur from living too much in the future. We don’t fear things in the past, do we? We may be sad, bitter, regretful, or unforgiving of the past but we don’t fear it.

Why do we fear the future? Because it’s uncertain, right? How many times have you thought, “…but what’s gonna happen?!” We don’t know! We don’t know. I stopped offering readings about the future because questions about the future are fear-based and I didn’t want to feed that mindset. The inquirer is looking for control of their fate. You never find yourself wondering, “hey what’s happening right now?” because you’re in the now. Right now, you’re sitting reading this. You never get anxious about something you’re doing right now. But you can be anxious about something you’re doing in 1 minute or what we assume and outcome will be in the future.

Anxiety, fear, worry comes from filling in the blanks. We assume we know what’s going to happen. We write in the story before it even happens. And the outcome, that we’ve made in our own minds is what makes us anxious. Or worried. Or stressed.

For example: I have a big test coming up. Right now, I am here studying but I start thinking, “What if I don’t pass? What if I can’t do it? What if I let everyone down? What if I’m not smart enough? What if _______?” And I go down the rabbit hole of all these elaborate and awful scenarios that will never happen but that make me sick with worry and anxiety. But what’s actually happening to me in real life, in that moment? What am I actually doing? I’m sitting here studying. Still haven’t taken the test. The anxiety is entirely self-created by me projecting out into the future. In that moment, I’ve just created my own personal hell by making assumptions and stories about the future. (And let’s be honest, how many times do the things we worry about actually happen? How many times have you actually had that confrontation you went over a million times in your mind? And how many times has the outcome to a situation been more manageable or better than you could have planned?)

So if fear-based emotions are self-created, why do we do it? Why do we indulge? Why would anyone want to do that to themselves? It may be a different answer for each person. It’s something to think about and we’ll go more into the “why,” in the another post.

In the meantime, if you find yourself living in the future and creating fear, try listing the things you are grateful for in the present moment. Even the things directly around you by saying, “I am grateful for….” Gratitude vibrates very high, like love, and is an easy method to pull yourself out of fear and back into love.

Beat the fear and choose love, my little light warriors, I’ll continue to provide to even more tools to do so.



What self-love looks like

8 behaviors that create and define self-love

The following habits are both causes and symptoms of self-love.

  1. Making your own health (mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual) a priority
    • This doesn’t always mean “me over you,” but that your needs and health are a top priority
  2. Taking care of yourself and your needs
    • If you need a day to in bed, take that day
  3. Accepting yourself wholly and unconditionally
    • Not judging yourself
    • It’s accepting even your least favorite parts of yourself (this doesn’t mean settling, it means accepting yourself as you are and taking responsibility for your choices, habits, feelings, and lifestyle)
  4. Pushing yourself gently and lovingly to do and be your best while keeping in mind the aforementioned points
    • Best means something different to everyone
    • “Best” for an athlete is going mean something different than “best” for a student, or a doctor, or a model, or a stay at home mom, or a cancer survivor…each of these people’s respective bests are going to be different therefore it’s important not to compare “bests”
  5. Creating  and learning to trust yourself
    • This means being completely honest with yourself
    • If you can’t trust yourself to take care of yourself, it’ll be difficult not to sabotage positive behaviors and/or to not judge yourself
    • The question is: Can you really love yourself wholly if you don’t trust yourself?
  6. The way you feel about yourself is independent of other people’s approval or validation
    • No one can give you enough love to fill you up or make you feel worthy if you don’t give yourself love, as we’ve all discovered at some point
    • Conversely, no one can decrease your “love-ablity” or worthiness when you’re full of self-created-love because you’re constantly replenishing yourself
    • Others cannot take away from that because you have an endless supply of love inside of you
  7. Being brave for yourself
    • Often times, this is in the quietest of ways, like allowing yourself to cry when you’re sad or giving yourself space from a toxic person
  8. The ultimate self-love is treating everyone else with the same love that you give yourself

    • Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for your relationship with everyone so if you’re treating yourself with unconditional love, you are setting the tone and the energetic vibration for a loving relationship with everyone around you.

Self-love means…

The definition of self-love I learned on my own journey

What self-love means to me is…fighting for yourself. Fighting for yourself without allowing for surrender. There’s no option to surrender because surrendering is too dark to consider. Of course, there are times for rest. There are times for retreating, reevaluating, and changing strategies. There are times to venture alone and times to recruit help. Self-love is sometimes tears. Self-love is “no” when you want to say no and “yes” when you want to say yes and never the other way around. It is battles behind closed doors that no one ever sees where you beat back the darkness with the light. Even if sometimes the light seems to fade away too quickly. Self-love is being completely vulnerable with yourself. It’s acknowledging and looking at the shadowy parts of yourself, the parts you hide away or you’d rather not see, and saying, “it’s ok.” Self-love is a muscle, a tree, a building. It doesn’t just happen, it grows. You don’t wake up one morning bursting with self-love. You fill yourself up, one drop at a time, until it’s a regular rhythm of your life.